You guys probably didn't know this (actually, my only followers are from school, so you probably did know this), but I've been writing this blog for a grade in my English class. Yeah, I know, that's so dorky and nerdy, but hey, isn't that the point of this blog? This may be my last post, depending on whether or not I get motivation to write this summer or if I somehow spontaneously get readers who would die if I never published again, but that's not gonna happen, so you're gonna have to depend on me getting motivation. Whatever.
I haven't had a prompt for any of my other posts, but for this one I'm supposed to write about how I've changed this year. At first this was pretty hard for me to figure out, and it still kind of is because I know how I’ve changed recently but I cant quite remember how much of that was actually this year. I do know, however, that this year I’ve tried to become more motivated to make myself change for the better and to help the world change for the better. This is more difficult than it sounds, since I’m smart but also incredibly lazy. I want to get things done but lots of times I simply can’t bring myself to do them. I still haven’t quite found a thing that motivates me completely, but I’m looking for something, and in the meantime I’m forcing myself to do the things I want to do.
My teeth are straighter than at the beginning of this year! I’ve now had braces on for almost two years and I’ll hopefully be getting them off this summer.
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| me with two ensemble girls from the Once tour this is the most recent picture I could find where I showed my teeth, it was about a month ago |
This is weird, but I somehow feel like I’ve become more confident in some ways and less confident in other ways. I’m better at talking to people I don’t know, I’m better at public speaking, and I can now order food on my own at a restaurant without having a panic attack (It hasn’t happened for at least 6 months now!). But I think I’m less confident in that I’m more self-conscious about the way I look and worried about what other people think of me. Last year, I was able to wear clothes that reflected my personality more, but now when I put on more bold and daring outfits that feel like me, I suddenly get scared that other people will judge me. That’s definitely something that I’m going to work on overcoming this summer.
Something that’s been a gradual process for me over the past year and a half or so has been reclaiming my femininity and trying to stop judging other girls for what they like. I used to think it was shameful to do “feminine” things like liking makeup and taking selfies with filters and liking romance movies. I used to judge other girls for these things, and I still sometimes catch myself doing that. I also used to believe in the trope of the “fake geek girl” who pretended to like “geeky” things just so she could get boys to like her. I’ve now realized that girls can like whatever they want to like and they shouldn’t be questioned about it.
If anyone’s out there, thank you so much for joining me on this journey. It’s been really great, and I’m still trying to better myself, but that’s what life is. Maybe I’ll talk to you soon and maybe I’ll continue this blog even after my class is over! Even if I don’t continue, and you find this page sometime in the future after I’ve been inactive for years, you’ll probably always be able to find me on my tumblr: moritz-is-bae. See ya!
